 In my last post, I wrote about signs that you are feeling suffocated or overwhelmed by your mom. Now let's talk about how to start taking some space.
Re-evaluate the relationship Every person's history, culture, present circumstances, and needs are unique, so if you desire a change in your relationship with your mom, the first place to start is reflect upon and journal about what YOU need. Begin to envision what a better relationship with your mother would look like, even if you're not yet sure how to achieve it. Here are some things you can do:
 In my last post, I talked about the problem some folks experience of feeling burdened or overwhelmed by their mother's demands. For some, even admitting they feel this way can bring up confusion and guilt. Often, this is because the person was "trained" in a sense to be oriented to meeting their's mother's needs - sometimes from a very young age.
Here are some signs that your mother is asking too much of you:  If you are contemplating this question, there’s a good chance your mom does lean on you too heavily!
Idealistic notions of Mothers abound in our culture. It’s wonderful when a mother and  Parents, older siblings, and enthusiastic aunts and uncles know that a toddler's favorite word is "NO!!" Why does the two- and three-year-old express that sentiment up to 25 times an hour, according to research? She has discovered that it gets attention from others and carries a lot of power. The otherwise powerless toddler is eager to express her preferences and desires, and to tap into a tool for taking charge of her life. Her proud, loud "no's" are early expressions of who she is and what she wants. Although we all go through this phase of
 These days, our smartphones give us access to many powerful tools for supporting our efforts to maintain positive mental health, and to achieve our goals. Some smartphone apps are excellent adjuncts to psychotherapy and psychiatry as well. For example, a central component of cognitive behavioral therapy is “self-monitoring” – i.e., tracking behaviors, moods, and thoughts over time. What better way to do that than with a tiny computer you already keep in your pocket all day, every day?! Below are a few of my favorite psychology and mental health related apps, podcasts, and other online resources. I’m just scratching the surface here - explore what’s out there to meet YOUR needs! Smartphone Apps...Guidelines for Fair Fighting Conflict is inevitable, but ineffective and destructive fighting can destroy relationships.
Try this exercise: Review these guidelines with your partner (in a calm moment) and identify each person’s greatest strengths and weaknesses in the realm of managing conflict...  Do you ever drink to the point of drunkenness, either intentionally or unintentionally? Is it a rare occasion, or something you do frequently? Are you concerned about someone you know who engages in binge drinking?
Some of my clients report patterns of alcohol abuse that are clearly significant, but which don’t fit the pattern of a daily struggle with alcohol. One example is intermittent binge drinking. This lead me to research the question, is binge drinking a marker of alcoholism? Binge drinking is common in the U.S. – and not just among high school and college aged people. According to the CDC , 70% of alcohol bingeing episodes in the U.S. involve adults aged 26 and older[1].  Try my 9-minute guided audio version of this tree meditation here. Tree Visualization Exercise
Preparation Close your eyes. Breathe deeply in through your nose, and exhale through your mouth, focusing on the sound of your breath and the bodily sensations of breathing. Stay with it. Use your breathing to focus you and help you slow down your body’s internal activity.  April is Alcohol Awareness Month, which inspires me to write something on the topic of alcohol. There is so much to say about this powerful substance that plays such a huge role in human life – for better and for worse.
Once upon a time I thought of alcoholism in black and white terms… either you’re an alcoholic, or you’re not. And if you are, time to get to some AA meetings and become abstinent.These days I think of alcohol a bit differently.  What’s this about “productive arguing? Isnt the goal to avoid arguing?
Well, not really. Every couple (and other family members) have disagreements from time to time. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, as long as it is not excessive and there are plenty of positive feelings in the relationship. We need to accept the fact that there will be disagreements, and work on the ways we argue. |
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AuthorMaysie Tift is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Master Hypnotist with offices in San Rafael, CA and San Francisco, CA. |
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